CITY LIGHTS

By Al Hooper

Words are such a bother. You need them to communicate but theyre either misinterpreted or ignored. And wheres their practical value? The sweetest phrase you know wont fix a plumbing leak.

QUESTION: Do words have any use at all?

ANSWER: Only if you think so.

During election campaigns, as you may have noticed, people take a keener interest in words especially those uttered by a rival player. Yr Obedt Servt ran across a sample of this the other day while perusing the blog of Edmonds City Councilman Dave Orvis (www.orvisblogspot.com).

Mr. Orvis is a staunch advocate of all things short. Especially building heights in Edmonds. He won himself a third term last year in a squeaker over downtown businessman Strom Peterson, who is back on the Nov. 3 ballot in a race with Diane Buckshnis.

Suffice it to say that Mr. Orvis feels a greater affinity with Ms. Buckshnis than with Mr. Peterson. Hence this entry on his blog:

Strom Petersons record clearly shows two facts. As president of the Downtown Merchants Association, he advocated for changes in codes that included increasing downtown heights. He is also on record as doing the same before the planning board on Dec. 15, 2004.

Mr. Orvis goes on, Strom is now saying he doesnt want to change codes downtown. Im sorry, but thats a flip-flop.

Since it was Mr. Orvis who drew our attention to his blog in the first place, I offered him the following comment free of charge (beyond the usual Yule gratuity, preferably in recyclable cans):

Mr. Orvis, sir. I'm inclined to grant anyone room to change his or her mind on an issue. Time and experience can alter an individual's perspective. I'm not a political candidate but I'd hate to be judged by statements I might have made several years ago, even though I believed them at the time.

Mr. Orvis replied, Hmm did you just write me a letter to the editor? If so, Im flattered.

Which brings us to a related grievance that hangs heady over my handsome but graying head.

Which is this: Why doesnt anyone ever quote City Lights?

Political quotes never die. City Lights best lines die on the lip. Why is it that nobody remembers what we say for five seconds, let alone five years?

EXHIBIT A: Lady writes to ask why her letter to the editor hasnt appeared in print. We provide a reasoned explanation of the Beacons letters policy, which frowns on libel and most obscenities, except for a few favorites.

Oh I get it, she says.

Then how about this:

EDITOR: You may not be aware but a certain City Council candidate (name withheld) has some serious foibles. His favorite, according to a neighbor who knows somebody who used to deliver newspapers three streets over from where he lives, is bestiality. Bestiality, sir! Drunken orgies also dot his calendar, although Im told he abstains on the Sabbath.

Thought your readers should know. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of methamphetamines, like they say.

Riled Up in Edmonds

(CITY LIGHTS responds, Madam, those charges are a tad personal, dont you think? Also a teensy bit judgmental. We all have our quirks. Please confine yourself to the issues.)

Oh, of course, she says.

Maybe this fits the bill:

EDITOR: My sources tell me that City Council candidate (name withheld) is no longer into bestiality and drunken orgies. He is now having simultaneous affairs with several staffers. You dont think he really spends his weekends hiking the Appalachian Trail, do you?

Despite his denials, your readers should know this: A bird in the hand aint worth zilch compared to the phone numbers of this guys hotties.

Still Riled, Same Address

Such is life for our political candidates. Lucky stiffs. They may not be revered, but they DO get listened to. Not so for us scriveners.

At least not for this scrivener.

Maybe Im saying it wrong.