CITY LIGHTS

By Al Hooper

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You lurch out of bed, brush teeth, comb a hair or two, and arrive at work ready to go that extra mile for flag and company. Its a ritual. You wouldnt be you without it. And what does such fealty get you?

Gets you fired.

Happens all the time, if not to you then to people you know. But before going all mopey about the injustice of it all, let us pause to tilt a glass to a man whose wounds in this arena make our own incisions feel like kitty kisses.

Hes the Seattle bank employee who confronted a would-be bank robber, charged after him, chased him into the street, tackled him, and held him for the police.

Got fired for it.

Bank policy is to cooperate with bank robbers says so right here in the manual, Jim. Apparently Key Banks Jim Nicholson, 30, missed that section. Too bad. For Jim. Cut him his severance check, Myrtle.

An extreme case? Not hardly. Face it, were all passengers on the Titanic. Underappreciated on the job, misunderstood at home. Even the dog wont sleep with us some nights. Life can be a brick.

Nor is City Lights immune from such doleful outcomes. The readers carp. The publisher cavils. Our most earnest work is stamped Return to Sender. And were still being charged full price at Starbucks despite our silver locks, exaggerated limp and pained expression. (EDITORS NOTE: If your student band member is nearby, this might be a good time for a few strains from Nobody Knows De Troubles Ive Seen.)

You think we overstate?

The envelope, please

DEAR CITY LIGHTS: You say Edmonds strict building-height limits should allow for an occasional exception based on common sense and the common good.

People like you make me gag. What you really mean is, Let the developers cover the landscape with 10-story buildings, and dont make them stop until they reach City Park!

Lifer in Edmonds

(DEAR LIFER: So whats wrong with City Park? Looks like prime real estate to me.)

DEAR CITY LIGHTS: Your letters-to-the-editor policy inhibits my freedom of speech. You let a person under attack by a letter writer respond to the charges in the same issue. You call this fair?

You write, Sometimes a letter writer will make false and malicious statements just to stay in practice.

So what? Take away malice and bare-naked lies, and our politicians would have to talk with their fingers. Shouldnt citizens have the same rights?

Simmering in Edmonds

(DEAR SIMMER: Since City Lights is a fan of non-verbal communication, we hereby offer you our mid-finger salute. Wear it in health.)

DEAR CITY LIGHTS: Your column rating the humor quotient of Edmonds City Council candidates in the primary election failed to take into account your own shortcomings in this area.

Frankly, you have a funny idea of whats funny. Neanderthals laugh when one of them slips on a banana peel. Do you find this amusing? Thought you would.

Scoffing in Edmonds

(DEAR SCOFF: You found me out! I love pratfalls. Also saucy limericks and risqu jokes. But enough about me. How do YOU like my sense of humor? Hard to tell from your note.)

DEAR CITY LIGHTS: Candidate Priya Cloutier is challenging council incumbent Michael Plunkett in the Nov. 3 election. I havent noticed Ms. Cloutiers name in your newspaper much. Would you please explain why?

Keeping Tabs in Edmonds

(DEAR TABS: Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier, Priya Cloutier. Happy now?)

As both our Constant Readers know, there are a million stories in Edmonds By The Sea. And yet our population is a paltry 40,900.

Which means some folks out there are indulging in a whole lot of fantasies on the side. Let me know if Im in one.